BEING back East for the holiday felt like being back in the cocoon. I loved it in a way I haven’t had access to until now. Relaxing and taking it easy does not come natural to me. Despite my lifestyle, despite my ache to treasure these moments and just be able to sit here clueless a majority of the time whilst still being okay ; I worry more than I want to, more than I need to. I once went to an astrologer who told me a lot of things I already knew. BUT, one thing she said that I remember so clearly was that; worry was a negative pray. I guess that means each time I worry, I have to double my prayer to cancel out the worry and from there add the prayer back on.
My time spent at home gave me some space to not have to mull over my future, my bills, what my days were going to look like tomorrow, where I’ll wind up, who will be there. I was just simply home loving these people and having a holiday.
YOU remember how we felt as kids before the scar tissue began to build? That contentment, safety, harmony and freedom? .. I know, I need to get back there.
The choice to move 3,500 miles from all that is farmilar to me, makes it now my job to create that feeling for myself. I think it might be becoming more adult, taking on this role of making good happen for yourself. Grabbing hold of that love and sparkle with everything you’ve got and taking it with you everywhere.
How I get there can be different depending on the day; some days it’s kicking my own butt into gear and getting a job even though I want to make my money working for myself. Other days it’s watching Ted Danson movies all morning just because I need to smile more. But whatever it is, it’s listening and becoming quiet enough to hear from the inside.
I wrote out some 2012 Resolutions but used words I like better Declarations…Spirits…Movements. .I made a vow to eat more greens and less sugar, especially before bed and to love myself daily, not just on my good days.
It’s a NEW YEAR magic is about to happen. I’m pretty excited about it when I’m not scared shitless.
Okay so as for baking I did quite a bit of that while I was home, which warmed my soul and softened my belly. I made both of my siblings a cake; My baby brother who turned 20 , twenty years old– got a butterscotch cake …He is my most favorite person in the world to watch eat.
My sister requested a red velvet cake which came out so red, 1/4 a cup of food coloring later.. She is still finding red food coloring around her house ( I can be a messy baker).. It’s such an elegant cake, I highly recommend it if you wanna seduce someone. This case was purely a PG family cake. I’m just saying you could.