I struggle with moments.
I’m really bad at small talk.
I sometimes think I don’t have to abide by the rules everyone else does.
I tend to live in the gray, leaning towards a purple-ish gray.
Sometimes it’s best for me to live on the earth not in the ether where I prefer to be. I do fall for magic more often than the average Joe. I doubt I’ll ever stop, I certainly hope I don’t. I never know really how I am taken care of but I trust even if I’m not feeling it.
When I’m in the moments I tend to want the ones that have passed or I plan the ones to come. I live some days in a state of nostalgia that I can’t seem to shake fondly re-watching snap shots of an old life. Otherwise I’m hooked into this feeling that I’m waiting for my life to begin. I have this tendency to run from the moments or hang out too long in them. I fear letting them be perfect, which I hear they are. Always.
Presence. It’s actually our greatest superpower, the ability to be fully awake right now.
You know those perfect moments where everything is okay and sound and still but still moving? I want to be living a life of those moments I do not expect them all at once. I need more practice I’m all about preparing right now. I’d just like to know I am eventually working towards them being steadier. For now it just takes being here in today.
Right… Meanwhile have some cake, it’s fun. That’s all I have to say about it.
There was a little solstice party at my new casa. There was what felt like endless amounts of food and dessert. There were candles and fires and cider.
Yesterday was about time for me to get back in the swing of my baking- mixing, pouring flour in bowls and watching magic appear in from of my eyes. I watched Charlie Brown Christmas and It’s a Wonderful Life grated carrots.
I got these carrots at the PSU farmers market from a farm in Hood River. They say the purple carrots are the best ones for cooking.
Frosting with orange zest.
This cake is nice.
It’s not just nice but it feels good to eat. I mean it has carrots in it, it’s good for your eyes. I just want you to see it.
oh, and it has a Carrot Bow.
On my way to the airport tonight to head back East I choked on gratitude.
I love when that happens.
Sometimes I can’t believe what I have; these people, this moment to moment stuff that I take for granted. When I feel this intense thanks it feels like too much, because I don’t know how to thank it back.
Then I think I saw it. I think it’s simply to be nice, that can be my thanks. I can go home and be nice, I can live life and be nice to it.
Merry Christmas. I hope it’s nice .
I’ve been praying a lot. .
I sat next to a lady with her kids today , two boys, at Whole Foods, eating turkey dinners.. It took ages for her to get them settled and eating. Each time she tried to eat, they needed something. I sat there finished with my tofu soup just in awe.. Awe of how little I know.. She had to wait so long to eat herself. How does she do it? be so unselfish?
It made me pray hard, to be less selfish myself, so that someday maybe I can be like this lady.
Then when I got home I prayed again, I prayed for a successful cake… reason?
I had my very first cake sale !
Boy was this a lesson-full day. A friend needed a birthday cake to say some funny little inside joke and somehow show an Romanian flag. I immediately went to this place of needing to do some ace of cakes extravaganza , and how I can’t possibly do this. . and how much I hate writing on cake . . blah blah. . I made a chocolate cake using a new recipe . bad idea . . it was not particually successful. Luckily my mother taught me about freezing stuff. She loves to freeze things; soups, half loaves of bread, cassaroles. My new thing; freezing my cake flops. (AKA my cakes that don’t come out so great) but that I also don’t want to just throw away. Cakes that I will happily mend some day in the future.
So after freezing the first one. I prepared to make another one with an old trusted recipe. Topped it with some buttercream. And then I was stuck . . I didn’t want to use the crappy colored tubes for cake writing , but I was unable to think myself out of this dilema . . and I was displeased with my Romanian m&m flag and my chicken scratch attempt, which I will not post photos of.
Luckily and possibly due to my cake prayers, I had an artistic angel come to my rescue. I love angels in the form of people.
Together we made this cake look a lot better .
So My lesson in all this was; I needed to expand my thinking around this cake. As an artist I need to think outside the box. . I can get an assignment like this, and filter it in a way that works for me and feels creative and fun. This project wound up being fun , once I asked for help and got creative. All it too was some colored paper and paper clips!
I was also on a pretty big sugar high yes I ate the leftovers…
We are celebrating life and death this week. The mystery of it all. My thoughts were who knows if we’ll be around tomorrow? So might as well eat some cake and smile a little. We are also celebrating the ending of tukisweet and the beginning of the yoga of cake. Ya dig?
This is monumental, this is divine, and it’s going to involve lots of frosting.
Really it’s still me baking cakes, talking about life, standing on my head , loving it all up as best I can.
So Day of The Dead ! It was third Thursday on Alberta and my friend Rachael was playing music at The Guardino Gallery.
I was asked to make a cake!
I made a simple yummy chocolate cake with buttercream frosting .. I could tell who was eating my cake because their mouths were blue from the icing.
I stood around and tried not to smile, because I was supposed to be dead.
That part was really hard…
I had fun and met some other nice dead people.
My mentality around this cake was eat it , who knows if there will be another chance? Let’s enjoy our time here, it’s precious.
Alright, BUT seriously some days?. . some days are hard. Some days you lose your job, some days you spend chasing your tail and never catching it , some days you feel more uprooted than you did before you began to root, some days are just days and you don’t have the answer to anything. So instead of indulging in this rat race and running full speed ahead, letting it crawl under the skin, tickling every single tail feather..We have the option to crawl (usually my mode because I’ve worn myself out pretty good) or walk our way back to the here and now. Simply to just being alive.