Trial & Error

Recent lesson learning through the list of don’ts and discoveries;

I don’t want to live in a city where I have to drive everywhere. I’m actually not sure if I want to live in the city at all. I’ve always seen myself as a secret country gal with a yearning for movement this usually manifests into a city. But when I’m in the country I melt into myself more.

I don’t really care about amazing coffee. I secretly think I’m fine with bad coffee… I may be de-friended for this one; I squeal a little at the mention of a dunkin donuts.

I don’t want the career path I’ve recently started- so I have to go back.

I don’t want to live in the PNW. I can’t possibly experience everything, I remind myself sometimes every five minutes; you can do anything, but you can’t do everything. This could mean not moving so much regardless of how much there is out there and there is a lot.

I don’t want to not get to see my mom for 6 months and not be able to meet my dad for Indian food at least once a month.

I am no good with roommates it is just something I do not do well. I want to live solo for a while well with of course my future dog who I have named- Stanton.

I do not want to ever go as long as I did this past year with my head and my heart misaligned.

I am not very liberal this used to be stated on my facebook profile! I’m learning I’m actually quite conservative. I have learned that living in Portland, OR. You see I’m not into sleepovers with people I don’t love. I’m not into the constant go with the flow- no direction let’s ride skateboards to work barefoot scene. I kind of feel pot should be illegal. I’m more into clarity and day planners. That said I am liberal in the Obama-way just not the let’s all share groceries and partners and visit nude beaches on our days off kinda way. Maybe I am boring or maybe I am just growing up or both.

I don’t want to attract myself to things that aren’t healthy but are familiar. I think humans do that well.We keep going back to what we know despite how bad it is for us.  I know what’s good for me and I’m afraid of it most of the time, it looks boring and doesn’t keep me on my toes but ultimately it is peaceful and peaceful I’m seeing is not so bad in fact I’ll go as far as to say it’s all I’ve ever really wanted.

I do not actually enjoy being so temporary I used to love the feeling but I’m starting to hate it. An example – house sitting. What a luxury. I loved it. I wanted to do it for everyone all the time. I liked to play pretend and stay in other’s spaces. Thing is I am no longer six. And playing pretends it not as fun.  I want my own house, or at least my own studio.

You can; cut your hair, dye your hair, move across the country, lose 15 lbs, gain 20, change careers. You can do all these things but YOU will still be you and you are actually quite amazing.


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