30 Things I Love Right Now

1. the scent of a tomato plant. 2. When I can smell a season coming especially fall– I love smelling fall in the summer it soothes me to know even this won’t last forever. 3.  ice cream  4. The phrase; You can do anything but you can’t do everything.  5.  To bask among giants (tj, laura, angela.) 6. Cat ears  literal ones and the ones you use to keep your place. 7. Jupiter (my car) that looks like a floating planet and represents Abundance. 8. Inspiration over Envy. 9. Common denominators= Me. 10. Saying “I’m sorry” and having it mean something. 11. Falafel 12. Friday book babies with Arlo- 3 days a week I sit for a 10 month old baby. I get to temporarily enter the world of motherhood. On Friday mornings we visit the local library with bunches of other babies we read sing and blow bubbles together. 13. When he sings what I can’t  put into words 14. When she writes what I can’t put into words. 15. The dog that I don’t have yet but when I do I will name him Stanton. 16. Making space  .17. The phrase a father of one of my characters would tell me daily and now on a coin I keep in my back pocket; To thine own self be true. 18. Running at night. 19. Su who brings me avocados. 20. Cat waterbeds- I was reminded today from my dad of when I was a kid and we owned a Snack Bar. There was a frozen yogurt machine and my dad would always have to empty these big plastic bags of liquid yogurt into the machines. One day he had the genius idea to re-fill these bags with water and call them cat water-beds ( as a joke.) The thing is the customers caught on and  wanted them for their cats and so my dad put them out for sale and they sold . 21. Sunshine. 22. Telling the truth. 23. My students who share with me their stories on how yoga changed their lives and I can say back to them – me too. 24. My counsel of wise women that I can call scattered around this country that let me cry over phones. 25. Geneen Roth. 26. Split shots of Clarity. 27That I never feel deprived from not dining out- because I’ve discovered I can cook anything and in my opinion it’s just as good as any restaurant- usually better . 28. Leaving. 29. Staying. 30. Not making a difference either way.

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Trial & Error

Recent lesson learning through the list of don’ts and discoveries;

I don’t want to live in a city where I have to drive everywhere. I’m actually not sure if I want to live in the city at all. I’ve always seen myself as a secret country gal with a yearning for movement this usually manifests into a city. But when I’m in the country I melt into myself more.

I don’t really care about amazing coffee. I secretly think I’m fine with bad coffee… I may be de-friended for this one; I squeal a little at the mention of a dunkin donuts.

I don’t want the career path I’ve recently started- so I have to go back.

I don’t want to live in the PNW. I can’t possibly experience everything, I remind myself sometimes every five minutes; you can do anything, but you can’t do everything. This could mean not moving so much regardless of how much there is out there and there is a lot.

I don’t want to not get to see my mom for 6 months and not be able to meet my dad for Indian food at least once a month.

I am no good with roommates it is just something I do not do well. I want to live solo for a while well with of course my future dog who I have named- Stanton.

I do not want to ever go as long as I did this past year with my head and my heart misaligned.

I am not very liberal this used to be stated on my facebook profile! I’m learning I’m actually quite conservative. I have learned that living in Portland, OR. You see I’m not into sleepovers with people I don’t love. I’m not into the constant go with the flow- no direction let’s ride skateboards to work barefoot scene. I kind of feel pot should be illegal. I’m more into clarity and day planners. That said I am liberal in the Obama-way just not the let’s all share groceries and partners and visit nude beaches on our days off kinda way. Maybe I am boring or maybe I am just growing up or both.

I don’t want to attract myself to things that aren’t healthy but are familiar. I think humans do that well.We keep going back to what we know despite how bad it is for us.  I know what’s good for me and I’m afraid of it most of the time, it looks boring and doesn’t keep me on my toes but ultimately it is peaceful and peaceful I’m seeing is not so bad in fact I’ll go as far as to say it’s all I’ve ever really wanted.

I do not actually enjoy being so temporary I used to love the feeling but I’m starting to hate it. An example – house sitting. What a luxury. I loved it. I wanted to do it for everyone all the time. I liked to play pretend and stay in other’s spaces. Thing is I am no longer six. And playing pretends it not as fun.  I want my own house, or at least my own studio.

You can; cut your hair, dye your hair, move across the country, lose 15 lbs, gain 20, change careers. You can do all these things but YOU will still be you and you are actually quite amazing.

Life is good

It’s summer and it’s hot. It’s heaven here actually. Something strange though about the heat, I am not very  hungry. I can live on watermelons, lots of them. Which is odd because I am not normally not hungry. I experience hunger very well.

So I was inspired today to make nachos, alas but the heat! I thought more along the lines of kale and fresh corn. The thing is kale and corn will not sustain me through hip-hop boot camp later.

So this is what I did. I tossed a delicious salad; kale, spinach, fresh corn, green beans, carrots, and cilantro. Then in the oven I baked some chips, with cheddar, and baked beans and wala ! Nacho salad.

Okay so there is more to this. . I tend to think in blacks and whites like you have to have either health; salad. or splurge; nachos. I am seeing it’s nicer to mix things up, not have to jump from highs to lows. Like it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, it can be more tranquil possibly? So I am practicing this behavior with nachos and salad. Mixing things up, I’m enjoying the beauties summer has to offer without having to abandon work. It is this idea that everything doesn’t have to be so strenuous and most importantly it is enough to simply live in the middle of these things.

Breath, relax and let go. love you.