space

I fell in love once with a boy who spoke in signs. I spent that summer chasing howler monkeys and living what I believe deep down in the tissues under my bones  to be the good life. I smelled the air and breathed the water and was present without needing a box of tools to get me there. I was young and desperate for a shaking and that summer changed my life (as summers tend to do.) But as life goes I had to move on once the summer ended.

Today I need wide open space to remind me of how good it gets. It’s hard to find myself  in the hustle and the crowds I get methodical and brainy. I need to take myself out of my bubbled world and into the expansion. Where I  find again equal inhales and exhales as my life sinks. I understand why people live in the country and the city. The city to hustle and the country to breath … I am reminded of space and time & how much there is of everything. I’ve driven across country twice it was second to falling in love the happiest of times; camping and playing in the redwoods. My nose helps me to get there and once there I can be quiet for once amongst the trees.

This past season of rain sparked some loneliness and separation.  All of a sudden some sunny days are taken over by friends that tuck me under their arms and share their lives with me. Friends I haven’t known my whole life but it doesn’t seem to matters because they know me now. It has taken me a while to let go of my grip. It has taken me a while to make space for this.

It’s hard for me to let go of things in fear that once I let it go there will be nothing but empty space. Truth is that space is vital and must be made. That space is where the magic happens it comes to mix us up for whatever is next. But we must let go. I’ve had to let go of tropical summers, of places I called home, of  furniture and friends all in order to make new space . These things I let go of I keep inside me safe to remind me of endless possibility as their memories arise in instants. They say to me; remember this ? how good it can be? and they remind me that the empty space is never a bad thing; it is simply a waiting room for the spirit to rest until it is ready for flight again.

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