gifts

I’m tight on cash.

Meaning I don’t have any.

I’m acting frugal while eating lots of lentils.

I decided to treat myself to a movie today a matinee for $4.75 and I brought my own popcorn. I arrive at the theater debit card in hand to hear the hipster behind the counter sweetly say ‘We don’t take debit, but there’s an ATM behind you.” I felt an ouch a big one. Ya see I came out early to make it to the $4.75 movie so that I could justify taking myself to the movies and now if I am to use the ATM that is behind me with its added fee I can no longer justify this expense. I take a deep breath. Wow a choke-y sort of breath and start to exit the theater with my head drooped.

I hear this voice behind me – Miss. Miss.

It’s the gentleman that had been standing in line behind me. He asks me what the problem is and I say  it’s not a problem Sir they just don’t take cards. How much is it? He asks. $4.75 I say-but Sir you CAN”T buy my movie ticket. Sure I can-he smiles hands over a five and walks away. I can hardly breath so instead I begin to cry in the middle of the theatre lobby, hard I am crying hard. I return to the register and hand the girl this five. Tears are coming down my face and I think I know why but I’m still not quite sure.

First off and most obviously I am in awe of the kindness of this stranger that so graciously handed me a five as if I was one of his daughters. But even more moved I am that I was able to take it. It’s hard for me to accept gifts and really believe I deserve them. I felt I deserved it enough that I  took it plus I did drive all the way across town. I don’t always trust that things are going to be okay, I don’t always think I can handle everything on my own. A lot of the time I don’t know how I’m going to get by and then I receive a gift in some shape, size or form. I used to avoid these gifts they hurt my pride and inside I felt undeserving. Today I saw that this was my gift it had my name on it and I was allowed to take it. So thank- you sweet gentleman–you have probably long forgot me but I have not forgotten you.

I made some mini-cupcakes as a gift for you yes you  for being alive and filling the world with your gifts. You know how I feel about cupcakes, but these are sparkly and so tiny that they can hardly take the pressure of what it means to actually be a cupcake they are child-like and there’s nothing pretentious about them, they are just happy to be here.

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3 responses

  1. Lovely story…. Your last phrase, “they are just happy to be here,” resonates on so many levels. May we all aspire to be a mini-cupcake–childlike and unpretentious, and gifting people with $5 dollar bills when we can.

  2. Yeah. Write, right now. It’s gifting you, right now. This writing, these experiences. (I just today received my copy of The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World by Lewis Hyde. Not even kidding. Serendipity!)

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